Just a quick format update…for today. (Please tolerate the change as it seems to make sense today) Excerpts will be in black generally and my reflections will be intermingled in purple.
From Chapter 4 The fundamental (human) nature is to seek happiness; and human nature is one of gentleness and compassion. So we ought to live in accordance with what is most natural to us.
So how does he account for aggressive behavior? He argues, aggression arises out of frustration when we don’t achieve love and affection. Furthermore, aggression comes from the misuse of human intelligence. We began as compassionate creatures but due to our physical weaknesses (compared to other creatures), we needed to evolve into intelligent creatures to survive. Thus intelligence left unchecked caused less compassion and affection. Further, he states, when human intelligence and human goodness are used together, all human actions become constructive.
Consider three views of human nature 1. Compassionate 2. Self-interested 3. Nasty, aggressive, brutish
Each of these views of human nature are “promoted’ in various moral and political theories. For simplicity, let’s say, the Dalai Lama is promoting the first. Democratic theorists such as John Locke and John Stuart Mill promote the second and monarchists such as Thomas Hobbes promote the third. It’s important to understand that each theory can be supported by “observations” made of human behavior. Furthermore, each theorist would have a bias toward a particular view. Beginning with Hobbes who was ultimately promoting fear to protect the monarchy, it’s beneficial for the THEORY to set forth a premise of human nature as nasty, aggressive and brutish (this from the Thomas Hobbes Leviathan). Similarly, the less pessimistic/practical view of human nature as self-interested. A little less obvious, the general idea is that there’s no need for a dictator or monarch to rule over all because humans are generally cooperative with each other – not because they are compassionate but rather because it’s in their best interest to be so. The argument goes something like this: If I’m aggressive toward you, your family and/or your things, then you are justified in being aggressive toward me. Therefore, it’s in my best interest to get along, cooperate, etc.so that you in turn cooperate with me. Notice this has nothing to do with kindness or compassion, it’s simply practical to get along.
So, here we have a choice to make. Which view of human nature do we think makes the most sense? For the longest time, I have to say, the self-interest view made a lot of sense to me. In many ways it still does. But if we use that rational behind this idea – it’s in my “best interest to cooperative” we could also extend this rational to the first view – it’s in my best interest to be kind and compassionate to others because I’d like them to be kind and compassionate toward me. The difference – the big difference – is that for some of us, being compassionate on a regular basis just isn’t that easy. It takes practice. Thus, remember my first entry on the meditation.
Admittedly, I tried this meditation and it still wasn’t easy. I began by thinking of the person who I know is suffering right now and while I was feeling compassion toward her, I also got annoyed with the situation she is in which is causing her suffering. It wasn’t easy to simply focus on compassion for her. I guess this is because I’m a newbie. And I’ve vowed to do the same meditation about the same person until I get it right.
The turning toward happiness as a valid goal and the conscious decision to seek happiness in a systematic manner can profoundly change the rest of our lives.
So here we are at a point in which we notice that seeking happiness has quite a lot to do with engagement with others. Happiness is not going to be a solitary life. The Dalai Lama, although a monk, has a lot of opportunities to engage with others. Cutler asked him if he ever gets lonely and he quickly said no. Cutler asked him how others can avoid loneliness (given that it’s such a pervasive problem addressed in the field of psychology and haven’t we all felt that at some point? I know I sure was lonely during covid). His answer: no matter whom he is approaching (friend or stranger) he assumes a positive attitude toward this person – perhaps one might say giving all the benefit of the doubt – as well as compassion and kindness. This gets a response in kind as well as a feeling of connectedness and openness.
But what about those other relationships that you don’t have – a significant other, children Cutler asked. Doesn’t not having these make you feel lonely? And of course the answer was still no. Here, the Dalai Lama introduced four versions/definitions/ways to view intimacy. 1. Physical 2. Desire to share one’s innermost self with another 3. Experience of connectivity 4. Romantic vs. friendship.
If we seek a life of happiness, intimacy will be a big part of that. And, the form of intimacy he’s focused on is that with a maximum amount of connectivity , a willingness to open ourselves to many others, including family, friends, strangers – and forming genuine and deep bonds based on our common humanity. (p. 84)
I want to point out within this section there’s a lot of discussion about the fleetingness of physical attraction and romance in a relationship. This is often the cause of one’s loneliness – when the “honeymoon is over” or when one feels the other doesn’t love them the way they used to, etc. It seems the reliance on any one person for our happiness just isn’t a good idea – nor then would reliance on a small group – like our family. When our kids are growing up, we spend a lot of time and energy focusing on their well-being, their success, etc. Then when they are gone – when the fly the coop – we are often left with a very empty – lonely feeling. I think the solution is to expand the circle but NOT in a superficial way. Experiencing connectedness with more positive encounters daily could really combat one’s feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is definitely a form of suffering for many. So eliminating this is part of the path to happiness.
Are you feeling lonely right now? I bet you can reach out to someone who really cares about you and let them know. Do you know someone who’s been feeling lonely? Well, you know what to do 🙂
More again soon.
Affectionately, Trish